Do Not Be Afraid. Do Not Fear. Go Boldly.

By Amber Neufeld

It was a warm, sunny afternoon and I really didn’t want to go to another meeting. We’ve had many meetings with the growth of SUMS, many with Executives and City officials, and I had committed to go to City Hall to speak to a group of organizations about our new Cove Healthy Living hygiene facility. I was nervous about the event, as sometimes the piece of my brain that is intended to block the flow of information to my mouth ceases to function. In some meetings this isn’t valuable.

Do not be afraid. Do not fear. Go boldly. I knew this was the message for this day.

I walked into the room and knew that it was a different kind of meeting. My fear subsided. This meeting included my people, SUMS’ people. People with lived experience who have seen the darkest corners in life and are trying to keep themselves in the light. People who don’t care if I mis-speak, people who will tell me if I look beautiful or like I got hit by a bus. I stopped to chat with managers from other organizations in the area who are committed to helping those living with addiction to find hope, peace, and healing. I found a seat and took the room in. A buffet lunch was set out. Everyone was eating together: City officials, people in recovery, people who were currently living outside, people who had come through homelessness and now served their community, people with master’s degrees, people with developmental disabilities, people with giant gold chains, people who fell asleep in meetings and snored, people who didn’t wait their turn to speak, people who loved people. “Peace, I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled” (John 14:27). Here was my peace and I was so glad to feel it. 

I recognized a guest from SUMS who I had known for the past five years. Him and his wife were precious to anyone who knew them, and both together and apart they had experienced a lifetime of physical and emotional trauma that didn’t allow for either of them to easily find stability. I sat down next him, “Hi Keith!” I said as I put my arm around him. “Do you remember me? I heard that you’ve had quite a rough year, and I was calling around asking about you and Stacey. I’m so happy to see you!”

He smiled at me, hugged me back, and his eyes welled up. “Hi Amber. It’s been an awful year. After she was murdered, I didn’t want to be here anymore.”

Our people live in a world where life and death are minutes away from each other. “I’m so sorry” was all I could say as I found my own tears rolling down my cheeks. “How are you doing now? You’re looking good. I can’t imagine how this has been for you.” He just sat quietly for a minute. “She was so much fun Keith. I really loved her.”

He smiled and nodded at me. I asked him how they had met, and he explained that they had been together for 16 years, meeting at a local hangout when they were both living outside. He’s inside now and working on moving forward. Working on finding a new normal.

“Where were you before you were outside?” I asked.

“Prison,” he responded. “I was in prison most of my life. When you get out of prison there’s nowhere to go. Nobody to help you. And when you’ve been locked up for so long you don’t know what to do so you end up on the streets making money any way you can. I’m making a manual.”

“A manual?” I asked, “For people coming out of the correctional system?”

“Yep. There’s resources now. But people don’t know. I want them to know so that they don’t live most of their life like this. They should be able to get out and not have to get high to survive”.

“Keith, that’s amazing. People need that and they need you to help guide them. That’s a super important manual”. He smiled at me. The official meeting was starting, and I needed to back to my seat. I squeezed his shoulder and sat down.

The meeting was beautiful. Everyone had a chance to speak if they wanted. Everyone introduced themselves and why they were there. Everyone was equal and valued and needed to create change for this community. I remembered why I fell in love with SUMS.

The conversation with Keith stuck with me, and I thought about him and what he said almost every day. It wasn’t just that he was wanting to use his experience to create change and help other people. It wasn’t even his openness and vulnerability about his last year. It wasn’t working through my deep sadness about the death of Stacey. It was the thought that pain and fear and experience allow us to identify change. These feelings create a need in humanity for justice. Resiliency is not born in comfort; it’s born in trial, and therefore, the Lord instructs us not to fear. Pain is growth. We are to be wise and go boldly forward as we follow His path into the darkness because only in the darkness can we see the light. Keith saw the light, even through the deepest of pitch black. I don’t know if he’d equate this to God and I didn’t ask. But I do know that my God uses all people to work for His good.  

When I walked into SUMS five years ago, I didn’t have even the tiniest inkling of what my life would be like. I didn’t know the joy I would experience, the excruciating pain I would endure, the resilience and beauty I would be welcomed into, and the heart change that would ensue. I’ve always loved people. That part was easy. I’ve always loved Jesus. He brought me here. But to have the opportunity to experience humanity in this most heartbreaking, joy-feeling, honest way has revealed the character of God in a way that strips off the rules of society and views love and grace as raw and never-changing, because that’s who He is. In a culture where the only thing constant is change, He isn’t changing. 

Do not be afraid. Do not fear. Go boldly. Because I am always constant, and I will always show you a way through the pain.

“Do not be afraid. Dear Zion, don’t despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs” -Zephaniah 3:16-17 MSG